Quick — Think of an activity where you want to meet people, identify interests in common and lay the groundwork for seeing them again. Dating comes to mind.
However, if you are in the investment, real estate, lending or insurance business you need to find prospects. Often this is done through involvement in the community and networking. The same rules apply.
Here’s some good news. If you are married, you’ve gone through the dating process at least once and it worked. You also know that everyone playing the game knows the rules and can think several steps ahead. Everyone knows what everyone else wants to accomplish, but there’s a ritual you go through to get there.
A 3-step process
In a social prospecting situation you want to do three things:
- Meet a stranger — You need to get a conversation started.
- Identify interests in common — You need something to talk about.
- Establish the rationale for seeing them again — What value do you bring to a future relationship?
Meeting a stranger
It’s a cliché that at school dances the boys and girls gather on opposite sides of the room, talking among themselves. You need to get up the courage to walk across the room and ask someone to dance. You see it in movies all the time.
Attending an alumni event, chamber function or art gallery reception is the modern equivalent. You see the person you want to meet. Here are three icebreakers:
- Introduction — You know other people in the room. Who could walk you over and introduce you?
- Friends in common — You don’t see any familiar faces, but you know there’s a mutual connection. Bring that up as a conversation starter.
- Compliment — If you want to meet a community leader or high-profile person, their reputation precedes them. Start the conversation by giving them a compliment. Who could be offended by that?
You might be thinking: “Yes, I want to meet this person. They might become a new friend. They might have business potential. But these icebreakers sound contrived. They’ll see right through me.”
Social prospecting is like dating. Everyone knows what everyone else is doing. They understand there’s a ritual to follow.
Identifying interests in common
Here’s a dating scenario you’ve seen on screen. You are in a bar. (You are single.) An incredibly attractive person is sitting at the bar. The room is empty, yet will fill up in five minutes. What do you talk about? Many people in that situation talk about themselves. The other person is so lucky to have met them! The better strategy is to let the other person do the talking. Identify shared interests.
How do you do that? It’s pretty easy. Don’t over think it. If it’s a community event, ask about their connection to the organization. If it’s a party at someone’s home, how do they know the host? At alumni events, asking about their graduation class and major.
You want to gather information at a deeper level. Ideally you want to learn about their interests and passions. Do they travel? Follow sports? Are they foodies?
Don’t make this conversation an interrogation. A friend who retired from the aerospace industry explained his company had a protocol. Suppose a stranger was making conversation with you in a bar. If they took an extreme interest in where you worked and asked detailed questions about your job responsibilities, you needed to report the conversation to the company as a possible approach by a foreign agent!
How do you avoid being mistaken for a spy? Volunteering information to get information softens your inquiry. “My wife and I live on Magnolia Lane. Where do you live?” Keep your eyes open. You can learn a lot by observing. They might have a regimental tie, unusual lapel pin or interesting jewelry. Ask about it.
Avoid one-word answers like no. If this was a dating situation and the person opposite replied “no” to every question you asked about their interests, the logical conclusion is they want you to go away. In social prospecting situations the other person just might not be a good conversationalist. Answering: “No, I don’t play golf, but I love tennis” lets the other person know you want to keep the conversation going.
Laying the groundwork for seeing them again
Plan on disappearing after you chat. Don’t monopolize their time. Circulate. “Always keep them wanting more.” (P.T. Barnum, Walt Disney)
Circle back before the end of the evening. Explain you enjoyed meeting them. “We have a lot of interests in common.” List a few: it shows you were listening. If you were cultivating a community leader, they like that.
Put the ball in their court: “I would like to stay in touch. How do I do that?” If they have an interest they will provide contact information or suggest sending an invite via LinkedIn. You can share your contact information.
Your strategy is to develop social relationships with people who share common interests. Some might become clients. Others might send referrals. Some will do neither, yet make great friends. Cultivation through social prospecting follows many of the same rules as dating.
This article originally appeared on BizJournals.
